You lost a friendship that mattered deeply. Maybe it ended with a fight, a betrayal, or a slow fade. Maybe you outgrew each other, or life circumstances pulled you apart. Either way, the loss feels huge.
You find yourself thinking about them constantly. You see something funny and instinctively want to text them, then remember you cannot. You avoid places you used to go together. You feel angry, sad, confused, or all of the above.
People around you do not seem to understand why you are so devastated. They say things like “You will make new friends” or “It was not meant to be,” which feels dismissive. You wonder if you are overreacting or if your grief is valid.
If you have been searching friendship breakup grief, how to get over losing a friend, or therapy for loneliness Colorado, you are recognizing something important. Friendship breakups are real loss, and they deserve to be grieved.
At Better Lives, Building Tribes, we understand that friendships are significant relationships, and losing them can be as painful as losing a romantic partner. This article explores why friendship breakups hurt so much, how to heal, and how to move forward.
Why Friendship Breakups Hurt So Much
Friendship breakups are often minimized in our culture. We have rituals and language for romantic breakups, but friendship endings are treated as less important. This makes the pain feel invisible and isolating.
Here is why losing a friend hurts deeply:
Friendships Are Chosen Family
Unlike family, you choose your friends. They know the real you, not just the version you perform for the world. Losing that kind of intimacy is profound.
Shared History And Identity
Close friends witness your life. They know your stories, your inside jokes, your vulnerabilities. When the friendship ends, you lose not just the person, but the shared history and the version of yourself that existed in that relationship.
Lack Of Closure
Many friendship breakups do not come with clear endings or explanations. One person ghosts, or the friendship fades without acknowledgment. This ambiguity makes it harder to grieve and move on.
Social Consequences
Losing a friend can mean losing access to mutual friend groups, activities, or communities. You might feel like you have to choose sides or avoid places you used to go together.
It Challenges Your Sense Of Self
Friendship breakups can make you question your judgment, your worth, and your ability to maintain relationships. You might wonder what you did wrong or if you are fundamentally unlovable.
Different Types Of Friendship Endings
Not all friendship breakups look the same. Different endings create different kinds of pain:
The Slow Fade
The friendship gradually dissolves. Texts go unanswered. Plans stop being made. Neither person addresses it directly. This type of ending leaves you wondering if the friendship is truly over or just on pause.
The Big Fight Or Betrayal
Something specific happens (a betrayal, a conflict, a boundary violation) that ends the friendship abruptly. This type is painful but often comes with more clarity.
The Life Stage Divergence
Your lives go in different directions. One person has kids, the other does not. One person moves. Your values or priorities shift. There is no bad guy, just incompatibility.
The One Sided Ending
You want to maintain the friendship, but the other person pulls away or ends it. This can feel like rejection and leaves you with unanswered questions.
The Mutual Agreement
Both of you recognize the friendship is not working and agree to part ways. This is rare but can be the healthiest type of ending if done with honesty and respect.
How To Grieve A Friendship Breakup
Grief is not just for death. It is the process of adjusting to loss. Here is how to grieve a friendship in healthy ways:
Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain
You do not have to “get over it” quickly. Let yourself be sad, angry, or confused. Suppressing your feelings prolongs the grief.
Talk About It
Share your feelings with people who will listen without judgment. Therapy, supportive friends, or journaling can all provide outlets for processing the loss.
Avoid Villainizing Either Person
It is tempting to make yourself or your friend the villain. The truth is usually more nuanced. People grow apart. Relationships end. That does not mean someone is bad or wrong.
Honor What The Friendship Meant
Just because the friendship ended does not mean it was not valuable. You can hold gratitude for what it gave you while also acknowledging that it no longer fits.
Resist The Urge To Stay Connected If It Hurts
Some people can stay friends after a friendship breakup. Many cannot. It is okay to unfollow, mute, or block your former friend on social media if seeing their life is painful.
Common Mistakes People Make After Friendship Breakups
Grief is messy, and it is easy to handle it in ways that prolong pain. Here are some pitfalls to avoid:
- Seeking closure from the other person: Closure often has to come from within. Waiting for your friend to give you answers or validation can keep you stuck.
- Badmouthing your friend to mutual friends: This creates drama and forces people to choose sides. It also prolongs your own pain.
- Rushing into new friendships to fill the void: You need time to grieve before you can fully invest in new relationships.
- Blaming yourself entirely: Relationships involve two people. Even if you made mistakes, you are not solely responsible for the ending.
- Pretending it does not hurt: Minimizing your pain does not make it go away. It just makes it harder to process.
How To Move Forward After Losing A Friend
Moving on does not mean forgetting or pretending the friendship did not matter. It means integrating the loss into your life story and opening yourself to new connections.
Rebuild Your Social Network
Losing a close friend often leaves a hole in your social life. Be intentional about building new connections. Join groups, attend events, and say yes to invitations even when it feels hard.
Reconnect With Other Friends
You might have neglected other friendships while you were close to this person. Now is a good time to invest in those relationships.
Reflect On What You Learned
Every relationship teaches you something. What did this friendship show you about what you need in relationships? What boundaries do you want to set going forward?
Practice Self Compassion
Be kind to yourself as you navigate this loss. You are not weak for grieving. You are human.
Consider Therapy
If the loss is triggering deeper wounds (abandonment, rejection, unworthiness), therapy can help you process those layers.
How Therapy Helps With Friendship Breakups
Therapy provides space to process the loss without judgment. At Better Lives, Building Tribes, therapy for friendship grief might include:
- Validating your experience: We help you understand that your grief is real and deserves attention.
- Processing the loss: We create space for you to talk about what happened, what you miss, and what you wish had been different.
- Exploring attachment wounds: Friendship breakups often activate old wounds about belonging and worth. We help you work through those layers.
- Building connection skills: We help you learn what you need in friendships and how to communicate boundaries more clearly.
- Addressing loneliness: We help you navigate the loneliness that often follows friendship loss and support you in building new connections.
We offer virtual therapy for adults across Colorado, so you can access support from home during a time when leaving the house might feel hard.
When Friendship Breakups Reveal Deeper Patterns
Sometimes, losing a friend brings up bigger questions about your relationships:
- Do you repeatedly lose friends in similar ways?
- Do you struggle to maintain long term friendships?
- Do you attract people who are emotionally unavailable or unhealthy?
- Do you have a hard time setting boundaries, leading to resentment?
If you notice patterns, therapy can help you understand what is happening and how to shift those dynamics.
How To Rebuild After Multiple Friendship Losses
If you have lost multiple friendships, it can feel overwhelming to try again. You might feel jaded, exhausted, or hopeless about ever finding your people.
Here is how to move forward:
- Take time to heal: Do not rush into new friendships before you have processed the old ones.
- Identify what you need: What kind of friendships do you want? What values matter most to you?
- Start small: You do not need to find your best friend right away. Casual connections can grow into deeper ones over time.
- Be selective: Not every person you meet needs to be your friend. Quality matters more than quantity.
- Practice vulnerability cautiously: You can be open without oversharing too soon. Build trust gradually.
How Better Lives, Building Tribes Supports You Through Loss
At Better Lives, Building Tribes, we understand that friendship loss is real grief. We do not minimize your pain or rush you through it.
Our approach is:
- Validating and compassionate: We honor the significance of the friendship and the pain of losing it.
- Attachment informed: We explore how early experiences with loss and rejection shape how you grieve now.
- Practical and hopeful: We help you process the loss while also supporting you in building new connections.
- Community focused: We offer group therapy where you can connect with others navigating similar losses.
Next Steps: Healing From Friendship Loss In Colorado
If you are grieving a friendship breakup and need support, therapy can help. You do not have to navigate this loss alone.
To start therapy for friendship grief with Better Lives, Building Tribes:
- Visit betterlivesbuildingtribes.com/ to learn more about our services.
- Schedule a session with Dr. Meaghan Rice or another therapist on our team through the booking link on our site.
- Reach out via our contact form to ask questions or find out if we are a good fit for what you are experiencing.
Friendship breakups are real loss. Your grief is valid. With support, you can heal and build new connections that feel secure and reciprocal. We would be honored to walk alongside you.
